my sad days:(

monday was a sad day.

cuz i went to check in to my really tiny room i was truly appalled by its size! but what made me really sad was that the refrigerator in the cluster kitchen is so uber filthy i held my breath when i opened the fridge door you know! the freezer was madness at the bottom there was like sauce chap meat blood ice plastic bag newspaper mixed and frozed one layer there ZOMG i almost ran away and vow to nv return:(

super nice mummy helped me to clean the room. we did a little bit of cleaning onli cuz also no DETTOL, THE LIFESAVER. so we left the room and i left my things unpacked.

then it was down to taka to get my kettle!yayy i super like it cuz it will be my source of H20 since the kitchen is..erm..since i will never go into the kitchen again.

like seriously.

and then mummy had to go to work:( so i met ccs and we walked and walked and walked and oh ya..ate too:) and oh myyy im SO GONNA go to taka cold storage on sunday and paragon muji to get foooooood for hostel!!hiakhiak excitingggg although no money

oh and i forgot to say im totally broke cuz of all the specialists consultations and hotel fees. oh my i need a cai2 shen2 ye2 HAH whatever.

and mich came too and we had lmxlb.DELICIOUS(:

today is a sad day too. a very sad day in fact.

why?

cuz i went to the ent clinic at nuh to see prof tan, and he did an ultrasound scan on my thyroid. he said the lump is indeed very huge, at 4cm.

i told him i did a fna at sgh alrd but he called the mro and they said there were no records.WTH I WAS VERY ANGRY LORH I WAS SO PLANNING TO SUE THEM. S**T THEM.>:(
disclaimer:im not a vulgar person but i was really very angry

so actualli prof tan wanted to wait for the results from sgh but since they din haf, he said he would do another fna for me.WAH SIANDIAO.

and what made me really sad was that he presented me with the option of surgery. he said that it would leave me with a ~4-5 cm scar on my neck. it seemed as though he was quite sure he WAS going to do the surgery. i guess it's quite a common problem cuz he just did 3 of the same type ytd, 1 this morn, n he's doing another tmr:\

yeah so he kinda told me that if the results of the fna showed malignancy, of course is to remove. but if is benign, then what would i do? i asked him if pple nomally get it out if it's benign, he said no unless it's pressing onto the windpipe, oesophagus, or growing v big. and they i asked him what might be the cause he said there's no known cause. and (knowing i was going into life sci)he asked me if i was going to do research on thyroid functioning-.-

AND AND AND he said that one side effect of the operation was the lost of voice oh my gosh u noe when i heard that my world came crashing down it's like i was diagnosed with cancer alrd. wah no voice leh can u imagine my gosh cuz the nerve from the windpipe to the voicebox passes thru the lump to be removed. zomg i was so sad. mum told prof tan i loved singing, and i told him i sang in church. he said he just did an op for a worship leader, and everything went well but he lost his voice. but luckily after 3 months he regained it.

WOW I was truly scared and just shocked at that point.

i truly know now how a patient who has just been diagnosed with some terminal illness feels man. cuz when i was sitting at the sofa waiting for the fna do be done, i wanted to cry leh, cuz i was thinking what if the results was positive and i had cancer. wow it was realli a terrible and very sad feeling:'(

during the fna prof tan was super pro. he layed me down (unlike sgh where i sat down) so the thyroid would be obvious, and the first aspiration wassen very painful..just felt like normal injection. but the nurse said that there was too much "water" and another one had to be done:\ so the second one was TRULY REALLI painful cuz he was practically digging and searching he just keep bending and twisting the needle zomg so gross mummy couldn't bear to watch she just looked away haha:P

then when he plucked the needle out there was the like 'snap" feeling like the skin stuck to the needle oh my. then he said...

"i think there's abit stuck at the end of the needle."

HELLOOOO u noe what is stuck or not??!??!! my thyroid tissue la!!he was trying to suck some tissue out for tests ZOMG so gross can the meat my flesh my THYROID GLAND FLESH was stuck at the needle leh GROOOOOOOSSSS OUT MAN im so happy im not doing medicine. first times.

yah and the bill, as usual, was exhorbidant.

and then it was down to pgp where we totally desanitized my room and i layed my bedsheet and all:) and it was cleancleancleancleanclean i met two cluster mates one from germany one from england!

yup so it was a really sad day knowing that i might have cancer. which is realli quite life changing for me please pray thank you thank you thank you.

i really do not want to have the big scar on my neck:'(